kith & kin

{ode to two}

OK, can we just take a minute to sit and relax and quickly write (or read) a blog post?  No.  No you cannot.  Not if you have a two year old.  Nothing can be relaxing, nothing is simple, nothing is quick.  I can’t even say “unless they are sleeping” because my two year old Cuddle Bug feels that going to bed at bed time or staying asleep once he has gone to sleep is against his personal doctrine.

I feel that any parent who survives a two year old should be inducted into a Parental Hall of Fame.  Or anyone with a two year old gets a free year of caffeine, whatever your favorite source of caffeine may be.  Be it coffee or Coca-Cola or chocolate or an intravenous drip straight to your blood stream.  It should be free.  For the whole year.  No questions asked.  I mean, if I pull up with a screaming kid in his car seat, shouldn’t they just feel sorry for me and give me all the caffeine?  Especially if the checkout person is a fellow parent.

Now, our Little Monster never really was a “terrible two” as they say.  She was the “threenager” and even now, at five years-old, she has enough attitude for five little girls.  Yet, our Cuddle Bug has hit the two’s and hit them hard.

Mom goes to the bathroom, mom gets yelled at.  Mom changes Little Bear’s diaper, mom gets yelled at.  Mom tries to get him dressed, mom gets yelled at.  Mom doesn’t make him get dressed, mom gets yelled at.  Mom tries to play cars with him, mom gets yelled at.  Mom gets yelled at a lot…

I mean, I understand it.  Their little heads are going through so much change and they just haven’t learned how to cope with it yet or how to properly express it yet.  They want to be independent and do things on their own; but they also want to still be the baby and cuddle and have you do things for them.  The contradiction has to be so confusing for them, and they are ONLY TWO.  I feel for him, I do; but I also feel for myself. Life with a two year old is no easy feat.

Apparently, it is written somewhere, probably entitled ‘The Tenets of a Two’, things like:

Thou shall not let your parent do anything for you.

Thou shall demand your parents do everything for you.

Thou shall claim everything as ‘MINE’.  (even the bathroom)

If you do not like something, thou shall hit it.

Thou shall walk really, really slowly.

Unless you are running in the opposite direction, then one must do it quickly.

Thou shall throw a tantrum if something that cannot be controlled is not controlled.

Thou shall demand to be held and then immediately wiggle to be let down.

Thou shall request all the food, and then eat none of it.

Thou shall, instead, eat the food from anyone else’s plate.

Oh to be two.  Can he be three now?  Because, of course, as soon as he turns three it will be as though a magical switch is flipped and he will no longer be a “terrible two”.  Right?  That’s how it works?  Please?

Not that that will make much difference in this house.  As soon as our Cuddle Bug is growing past this belief system, our Little Bear will discover his own version of The Tenets of a Two.  Can’t wait…said no mom ever.

I need a Coke.  Or twenty-four.

What are some of your two year old’s tenets?

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